Like Caucasians to Chipotle

Dear Debbie Yow,

Do us all a favor and just call the season right now. Let's be honest, we just got our standard shocker win over a top ten team, we managed to get back to .500, Greivis dropped a triple double, everybody is loving us... let's just ride off into the sunset satisfied with how things have gone, and just end it.

No matter what happens the rest of the way, beating UNC will 100% be the peak, and in all likelihood we're already setting ourselves up for a typical miserable collapse. So let's just save us all a lot of misery and hang it up.

Your Friend,

Juan

PS. I blame you for making us have to stick with these horrible yellow jerseys. I hope you're happy with yourself.

At the very least, Vasquez should hire an agent today because his NBA draft stock is never going to be higher. I also suggest that Cliff Tucker make a quality DVD of his performance during the UNC game to show to his kids and focus on his degree because it's all downhill from here, bud.

The only players that should want to keep playing are Dave Neal and Landon Milbourne. Neal for the obvious reasons, he's been playing with house money since this season started. There's really every reason for him to let it ride at this point. Milbourne, after fouling out with a weak 6 points and 4 boards, is that guy at the blackjack table that ends up down while all his buddies are getting up from the table with $300 in their pockets. "Come on guys... just one more shoe... come on!"

Even as Maryland fans we should probably just keep the tv off from here on out, and everybody knows it, but we'll all submit ourselves to the inevitable heartbreak anyways. It's like all non-latinos and chipotle. We remember that it was very tasty, but we choose to forget the horrific aftermath on the toilet.

Being a Maryland fan is all about the one or two huge wins we steal a year, and choosing to forget how awful the rest of the season was. Although I know this to be true, I still managed to convince myself that it would be worth it to get a ticket to the Duke game Wednesday night even though I know it isn't going to turn out well.

Let's look at the upcoming schedule.

Duke at home. Duke is coming off a dominating win at home over #9 Wake that broke them out of their rut. We'll spot them 40 points early.

At NC State. They've won 4 of their last 5 at home and we've won one game on the road against the worst team in the league. Really feel good about this one.

Wake Forest at home. Although Wake has struggled on the road, their starting 5 looks like 6'2" 6'4" 6'9" 6'9" 7'0". We've got a shot here. No... no we don't.

At UVA to close out the year. Is there any place that we inexplicably drop more games than Charlottesville? Probably not.

I just don't like our chances. I think we all know that when we look at back the 2008-2009 season that the only thing we're going to remember is the unreal comeback win against UNC and Vasquez's triple double. Both great, but probably too little too late.

So put the Chipotle down white folks, you probably don't have enough pepto or toilet paper at home to survive this one.

"I See Dead People... Walking Around Like Regular People."

After watching UVA inexplicably upset Clemson in overtime in Charlottesville just now, MY20 followed up the game with the movie that best describes Clemson's typical February collapse, The Sixth Sense.

Every year they blow through the non-conference schedule. The hype builds, their ranking climbs, and their fans start to think "hey, maybe this is the year." But then something happens, the ACC Conference slate kicks off and they fade faster than a sorority girl after drinking a cup of the "blue jungle juice."

Last year, it looked like maybe the Tigers could break the trend, and they finally did by securing a 12 seed in the NCAA Tourney. But along the way, they earned the distinction of being the only team to be taken from a lock for a tourney bid to being on the bubble for the second year in a row. They also likely would have found themselves in the NIT once again had they not won two games in the ACC Tourney. Once they found themslves on the mountaintop, they lost in the first round to Villanova.

Granted, every year they've found a way to just barely outdo themselves, and once again they seemed to be threatening to vault themselves to a very solid seed. They beat Duke by 27.

All of a sudden, they've lost 2 of 3, including most recently a loss to UVA in overtime, and I'm not so sure they're a lock for to be playing in March anymore. They host the Terps on Tuesday, and have to travel to FSU and Wake, two teams they already lost to this year.

They're like Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense. The past few years they strut around in January like they're a contender in the ACC, but really all they've gotta do is see the huge exit wound on their back to see that they are grossly mistaken.

Since the 2006-2007 season, Clemson has lost 2 non-conference regular season games, which puts them second only to UNC during the same period. On the surface, that's pretty impressive.

Who'd they lose to? Mississippi and Charlotte. Interesting. How many ranked non-conference opponents have they played? 1. No. 18 Purdue, who they beat as a part of the ACC-Big Ten Challenge. Pretty lame.

With the second best regular season non-conference record in the last 3 years, you'd expect them to be in the ballpark of #2 for conference record right? Nope. Tied for 4th with a record of 23-19 behind UNC, Duke and Virginia Tech. Also at 23-19 is Maryland.

So what does that mean for the Terps? To me it means that of our next 3 games (@ Clemson, Duke, UNC) that Clemson seems to be the low hanging fruit. Somehow the media still thinks they are pretty good, so if we can find a way to beat them we'll be in good shape. Personally, I think we'll probably blow it since we're awful on the road.

Since the fact is that we have to find a way to win one of the next 3 to stay alive, and the Terps love to make it harder on themselves, we'll probably find a way to drop what should be the easiest game to win.

Hopefully the Terps can realize what we all should have, chances are Bruce Willis died from that pretty nasty gunshot wound to the kidney and Clemson, without any real non-conference tests, really isn't that good.

Hey You... You in the White... (Part 2)

The internet has made so many things easier.

• Keeping in touch with friends
• Getting up-to-the-minute information on your investments
• Masturbation
• Purchasing wildly underpriced consumer goods from Thailand

Another thing that the internet has made easier and more popular is following hometown athletes from high school to college to the pros. Back in the day when I was like 9 and a Michigan fan, I used to get so fired up for Dhani Jones because he started on a solid Michigan defense, and he went to Churchill, right down the road.

At 9, with no internet, that was pretty much all you had. Now there are 3 or 4 web sites to track it all, and on signing day, which was last week, you immediately know who is joining your alma mater's squad.

So, much to everyone's excitement, the Terps managed to scoop up 2 Cougars, Travis Hawkins and Zach Kerr, who both happen to be prettay... prettay good.

The great thing about looking at a Terps recruiting class is that you know you've got, at a minimum, a solid offensive lineman, a star skill player, and a future Pro Bowl front 7 guy.

Here are my best guesses.

Peter White - OG - 6'5" 340 lbs. Obviously it's never good when a player comes in and you hear stuff like "just too heavy to finish plays" or "will probably spend more time hangin out with Lee Majors eating breast bites than he will on the practice field" or everyone's favorite "think John Candy, The Great Outdoors. He'll be wearing #96 this year." Fortunately, I don't feel like he has the endurance to stand in line at the College Park Chipotle, so I think we can feel comfortable that he'll drop some pounds.

D.J. Adams - RB - 5'10" 210 lbs. I know, I can hear Berg already. "Oh way to go out on a limb John. Picking the NUMBER ONE recruit in the class." True. However, watching his film, it was too much to pass up. He reminds me of a young Herschel Walker. Thick, fast, and probably will end up being remembered more for his contributions as an Olympic Bobsledder than as an actual football player. Either way, we all know Fridge loves using at least 5 running backs in a season when he has the horses in the pen. Could be making a splash early and often, but also could star in "Cool Runnings 2: Jamaica, You've Got a DogSled Team".

DeOnte Arnett - DE - 6'4" 243 lbs. What do we know here? Clearly the more creative the first name of a defensive player for Maryland, the better he'll turn out. Whether it's unnecessary letters (Shawne Merriman), girl's names for guys (Erin Henderson), or the ever popular "q's not followed by u's to make the k sound" (D'Qwell Jackson), you know the more unusual, the more successful. Fact. Also, apparently Ohio State thought he was pretty good, so he's got that going for him. We may not hear from him until 2013, but rest assured Mr. Arnett will have at least 1 sack before his career ends.

So there you have it. Terps are on their way baby!

Hey You... You in the White... (Part 1)

This weekend we've been treated to a little bit of Spring like weather-- a taste of things to come, so to speak. As Terps Basketball typically holds onto the slimest of hopes of a winning season, Terps Football signs its 2009 recruits, and the NFL Draft buzz heats up, I keep finding myself asking some variation of this question...

"Which one of these dudes is gonna drive me to drinking next year?"

So, with that in mind, over the next week or so I'll share my thoughts on the offseason for the Terps and Skins, and why we could be bringin home 2 National Titles and a Lombardi Trophy Baby!!!

...but probably won't.

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"I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said 'thank you,' and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest that you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to." - Col. Nathan Jessep, A Few Good Men

Let's be honest, Gary's attempts to defend himself in the press the last few weeks haven't sounded too dissimilar to Mr. Nicholas before he so famously gave Tom Cruise the truth that he so badly wanted. But, even if his arguments are tired, he makes some pretty good points.

He did bring the program back into national prominence after the best basketball player in league history dropping dead in Washington Hall and the tough NCAA sanctions. He does have the most wins in Maryland history. He did bring us to 11 tourneys in a row including several sweet sixteen finishes. We've all come to love the traditional pre-game fist pumps.

That's to say nothing about the 2004 ACC Championship (easily one of the greatest moments of my life) and the 2001 National Championship (probably THE greatest moment of my life. I watched it in Cancun...).

But seriously, we all know all of that already. We lived it and it was great.

What is frustrating, aside from the few awful years we've had to deal with recently, is the occasional story of a high profile area recruit deciding to go elsewhere after being treated poorly on a recruiting visit. Most notably, for me, is Donte Greene's, Towson Catholic graduate who spent a year at Syracuse on his way to being an NBA lottery pick, account of his unofficial visit to Maryland.

On top of these anecdotes, everybody can see the 800 lb gorilla in the room. How, despite being deep in the heart of one of the most talent rich areas of the country, do we have so much trouble keeping any local talent?

Well, I can think of two good reasons.

1. For anybody watching Maryland basketball for the first time, one thing inevitably strikes you. "Damn, this coach is out of his mind!" This was particularly clear in the dwindling moments of the Georgia Tech game last Sunday as the Terps gave a foul, up 3 with 18 ticks on the clock. As the camera focused on Gary going justifiably apeshit, everyone could figure out what he was screaming. "You're a fucking asshole!" (Admittedly, if I didn't say it, I was thinking the same thing).

Yea, athletes are used to getting yelled at, and Gary clearly gets results, but if you're shopping around for the program that's going to help you grow into a successful college basketball player, are you gonna pick the guy that's probably going to call you a fucking asshole everytime you make a horrible play? Probably not.

2. This is what grinds my gears the most. Why is the "these players should want to stay local" argument being taken so seriously? If you're a star basketball player from one of P.G. County's less than stellar areas, which there are a couple, how is anybody gonna win you over with the "I know you've got potential, and you can go play anywhere, but why don't you stick around here for 3 or 4 more years" pitch?

Don't get me wrong, I love College Park, but would I have wanted to live there for more than 4 or 5 years? No chance. If I had put in 18 years in Upper Maralboro or Fort Washington, and somebody tried to convince me to make it 22 if I had better options, I would have punched them in the face. Fact.

With hurdles like that, sometimes I feel like Gary would have just as much of a shot pulling talent into Garyland using a strategy once used by Sophomore Dan Chimera to encourage an attractive blonde to be his classmate as she sat courtside in a silent Comcast Center prior to the national anthem.

Dune: Hey You! You in the white! You should go to Maryland!!

Gary definitely has a lot of overcome, but bringing Keith Booooooooooooooth along seems to make sense for countering the obstacles.

Next year's recruiting class has some promise. Granted, when compared to the other ACC classes, we're near the bottom, but that's nothing new. All I care about is that we've got some height and some beef coming in.

Even more importantly, Gary is not done. Reportedly, we're still aggresively recruiting one of the best shooting guard prospects in the nation, Lance Stephenson. (He's from Brooklyn so you know he's good). Keith Booth apparently did some man flirting as Lance visited Maryland for the Miami game, and apparently Lance enjoyed his visit. He's a high school teammate of James Padgett, who has already committed to Maryland, which clearly helps.

Do I think we'll land this 5 star recruit? No, but isn't it refreshing to know that we've got a shot?

My heart tells me we're gonna make a run at the pivotal 9 conference wins here, and although my head tells me we're gonna fall short, I feel like we're bringing some pieces together to be consistently competitive for awhile.

So here's a big fist pump to you Gary. Let's turn this around huh?

Think HFStival With Cheaper Beers and Lamer Bands

Preakness has brought me some great memories (Afleet Alex's nose in the dirt W at 4 to 1) and some awful memories (nice ankles, Barbaro, it's too painful to remember the line). But the one tie that binds all those memories together is the booze, which we without question purchased prior to our trip to Pimlico.

Sadly, as of today, BYOB on the Preakness infield is no more.

It really is the end of an era. The end of a beer-soaked, urine-puddled, porta-potty racing filled era.

As they say, all good things must come to an end, and in the era of moral standing where smoking is no longer permitted in bars (except in Arlington), trans fats aren't permitted in foods, and politicians are required to pay their taxes I think this was just the next shoe to drop.

Am I mad about it? Not really. I wasn't planning on going this year, and let's be honest, since many people that I know who were planning on going, but likely won't with this change, somebody is bound to have a good party, and it won't cost me $100 to go to it. From a tradition standpoint, it is a bummer though. For me, kids getting all boozed up at Pimlico once a year is a great Maryland tradition. But I think statewide, the opinions would be much more mixed, and may even tip toward the anti position. Judging by the standard Baltimore Sun coverage post-Preakness, it's seen as more of a mockery of state values, rather than the huge party/great time we've all come to know and love. That may be that to truly enjoy it, it must be viewed through beer goggles, but who's to say.

Who should be mad about it? People like Metzger who had a awe-inspiring Preakness attendance streak on the line, bus drivers, and hotel owners.

Metz couldn't be much saltier about this, but since he rarely enunciates I decided to avoid the interview. It's safe to assume that the elimination of his favorite annual party really grinds his gears.

Now onto some actual gripes. Bus Drivers and Hotel Owners in BMo must be pretty bummed that a major pay day for them is gone. I doubt many 18-24 year-olds are going to be willing to rent buses or get hotel rooms in downtown Charm City for this one. But if they do, I feel like finding a DD will be the relied on alternative because nobody is going to want to pay large sums of money to go somewhere that they'll have to pay more $ on beers.

The best comparison I can think of is the HFStival. To my knowledge, HFStival never permitted outside beverages either, but where there was a will there was a way (who didn't tape ziplock bags filled with cheap vodka to their body?). It always seemed like there was a pretty solid turnout, but clearly the bands were the headline. ZZ Top and Buckcherry, although big bands in their own right, really don't have that much of a draw right now.

Either way, even with a seemingly successful event, WHFS and the HFStival did not stand the test of time, and I think that's where the lesson is here.

The fact of that matter is that, as much as it pains a horse racing fan to say it, aside from the Triple Crown, horse racing just isn't that popular. Even when you tell people "we'll give you a huge field to do whatever you want, including gambling" and over 100,000 routinely show up, you still can't turn enough of a profit.

I'm not sure if it will work. Initially I felt like it had a chance. Maybe there are folks that don't want to walk through pee puddles all day that may enough a cheap day at a Triple Crown race. Unfortunately, and I know this from personal experience at the Kentucky Derby, there aren't.

So here's to you Maryland Jockey Club. I'm pullin for this to workout so we can keep Preakness in Maryland, but I think it smells like a desperate situation.

Either way, we know it probably won't. Just like there's an entire generation of people that never knew of getting boozed up on the Metro for a day of music fun and fornication at RFK for the HFStival, soon there will be a generation who won't have to figure out how to drink 10 beers on a bus from Gaithersburg to Baltimore without an obvious place to release some fluids on their way to Preakness.

Terps Win!

Was in Milbourne's 17? Nope

How about Jin Soo Kim's unexpected 5 point coming out party? Interesting, but no.

The person that was 100% responsible for the Terps finally beating Miami was Alexander Ovechkin.

The number one rule in sports fanship is that if you have a jersey to wear, you wear the appropriate jersey to support your squad. It's a rule I've only broken a handful of times. And in honesty, I can't even remember the last time I pulled it off before last night. I got some weird looks like my Caps jersey on, but in reality, they should have been loving the game winning attitude I brought to the Cable Box.

Faced with yet another Terps 'Canes game I had to make a change. Ovie put in 2 in the 3rd Period to top Detroit, kind of a big deal, so I decided "Hey, why not openly support a winner at the Comcast Center?"

Sure enough, it made the difference. Say what you want, but I've been wearing my standard 23 Mike Jones jersey for years at Maryland games, and lets be honest, it hasn't gotten anybody very far.

Ok, now some actual analysis.

I hate that Gary has been in the news somehow midseason for how awful he is at recruiting. Hey we get it, we don't get good players despite being in the heart of basketball talent country (Sports Illustrated did just point out that PG is, per capita, the most NBA Talent rich area of the country.). That being said, I really feel like we're putting a team together here.

I hate to be the standard DC, "this year isn't our year, but next year we're gonna be great" guy, but look at the facts. Milbourne is just straight up trashing the place. Junior. Bowie is out hustling everybody, and somehow is establishing himself as an actual point guard. Sophomore. Mosley is nasty. Fact. Freshman. And I'll be honest, I'm a huge Dino Gregory fan. Sophomore.

Vasquez would be an asshole to leave because he can't shoot. Hayes is finally finding his role as the shooter. Things are coming together. Yea we're 3-4 in conference. Yea I don't think we have much chance of cracking the important 9-7 barrier.

Here, however, is the optimism. As Herm Edwards once said, you play to win the game. I don't think we've got a shot at knocking off Duke UNC or Wake, but history has shown that thats our personality. Giant Killer when we aren't the giants ourselves. We're more likely to get some Ws on Tobacco Road and drop one or two to some awful team.

The point is my expectation level is low. And that means that as long as we aren't hosting an NIT game, we're bound to do something crazy.

I've also been informed that Vasquez was one assist shy of a triple double. Thats prettay prettay good.

I don't think we're very good, we can't rebound, and we still can't shoot very well. Regardless, mark my words, my Terrapins will make noise this month, and when they do, you can give all the credit to a Russian dude wearing #8.

Also, Torres just netted 2 against Chelsea... I'm gonna go drink beers. Hoooray!