Sam Spence Does Not Get Enough Credit

"These are two good football teams with Super Bowl aspirations." I didn't write it. Scouts Inc on ESPN did. What's more, my iPod is on shuffle right now, and this song just came on out of nowhere. Sam Spence, Everybody!

If shit like this doesn't get you fired up, just go ahead and leave your jersey on my desk, take a few days off, and don't come back because we don't need dead weight like you dragging us down anymore. Thanks.

In terms of being a season ticket holder, the three games this month are the emotional peak. The NFL did us a favor spreading them out over 5 weeks because I don't think many folks could handle the intensity back to back to back. Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Monday evening, the Steel City vs. the Capital of the Free World. Obviously, this isn't quite at the level of a division match-up, but I think I'll take the best team in the AFC under the lights in front of 90,000.

The downside is that both teams are a little banged up. The Steelers just can't catch a break really. Ben Roethlisomething is a shell of a man, Willie Parker is coming off a long spell of wearing sweatpants on the sidelines, and I'm guessing a bunch of other dudes are on their injury list too. Portis and Moss both have been held out of practice. Lets be honest, this is going to be a hard hitting affair in Landover. The more rest the better in my opinion.

Depending on where you're lookin', the B&G are favored by a point or two heading into what's likely to be a bonecrushing matchup. Here's the thing. We're not blowing out teams, we know this. We covered in one of our last three (Detroit, -7.5), mostly because our gameplan relies on CP, ball control, ya know. Looks like all we need to do here to cover is to win. Put your chips on the table boys.

From an unbiased standpoint, it will be interesting to see if this Redskins team can do enough to win against the #1 defense in the league by relying on a gameplan that has such a small margin for error.

Boring.

What's great about this game is two teams that want to control the line of scrimmage and think they'll win because they'll have more in the tank in the 4th quarter. Count of big hits. Count on a some wild plays, sacks, turnovers. #1 defense vs. #6 defense. This is beef on beef football. Gonna be great to watch.

Here's the difference. Offense. Portis, best rb in the league. Moss. Did you see him blow up last week?? Hey I'm pumped they have guys like Ward that do the little things. Great. But where are the guys that are going to do the big things? Who's gonna break off 20 yard runs? A banged up Parker? Hardly. We have the big-play makers. They don't. In a game that's probably going to be decided by who can make that big play, you gotta feel like the odds are in our favor there. Gonna be a great game. FedEx will be electric. I just think the clock has struck midnight already for this Steelers team. They're gonna spend all season trying to get healthy. Our best days are ahead of us, and I'm guessing we're gonna have one of our best days on Monday Night.

So yea. I'm fired up. Are you?

Not Settling For Lame

Every year I tell myself I'm going to do it. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone. I never follow through with it, but this year, I really think I can pull it off.

I'm commiting myself to knowing everything there is to know about college basketball this year. Yea, that's right. I am going to watch some much basketball this season, that I am going to be a sure thing to pick all 63 games correct in March Madness. Fact.

I'm sure this sounds ridiculous, but let's observe the facts.

My alma mater, the University of Maryland, is going to be absolutely miserable. I want to deny it, but we could be historically bad. Although I will never sell them out, I can't stop watching basketball just because my squad drives me crazy. Although from mid-November to just after April Fool's Day there is going to be a lot of yelling and cursing, I'm going to need to watch basketball without wanting to punch someone in the face.

On the surface, this sounds like a terrible idea. It does kind of sound like the elementary school lunch room situation. You're sittin' there with a slightly thawed out hot pocket (my mom used to do this, I can't imagine I settled for that kind of treatment) and the kids around you are all munchin' on some crazy deli sandwiches. Going to lunch like that is depressing, but you have to eat.

With such potentially depressing situation, why not focus on being able to make the greatest Final Four bracket ever? Sure, there's no such thing as perfect knowledge, but won't it be fun to believe that I can get there?

So, once the season starts here in a few weeks, I am commiting to watching 3-4 games a week, outside of also watching my Terps try to squeak into the NIT, and sharing my completely unqualified thoughts here. Enjoy.

Fight Child Obesity... or Your Chunky Kids Are Gonna Get Waxed During Recess.

Did South Park just advocate breast cancer awareness? Yes, yes it did, and it was hilarious. I don't have breasts, and I haven't had a struggle with cancer, but I'm willing to bet that if I had I would have found it even more hilarious and probably empowering. If you didn't watch it, go here ("Breast Cancer Show Ever"), and then read the rest of my comments.

Without having experienced cancer, there can't have been many ways for South Park's writers to relate to ladies affected by it. What was great about the episode was that they didn't try to relate. They kept it simple, light, and funny. And let's be honest, who didn't laugh hysterically when Cartman ate his underwear, or when he took a dump on Mr. Garrison's desk all to avoid getting beat up by a girl. Everybody was a winner tonite on South Park. Even opponents of child obesity.

Message - If you let your kids get fat, they're gonna get beat up. Maybe by a girl. Fact.

I read a book recently called Then We Came to The End by Joshua Ferris, which is about folks at a failing ad agency. One of their projects was to come up with a funny/uplifting ad targetting women battling breast cancer. Understandably, it was a very difficult assignment because none of them had ever had breast cancer, and obviously, there's nothing funny about it.

But tonite's South Park was able to do that. Admittedly, it wasn't really about breast cancer. Mostly, it was about Cartman being insensitive, and the fact that, given some clear advantages, a slow grossly obese 10 year-old boy likely will get beaten up by an in shape, aggressive, highly motivated 10 year-old girl.

By the way, who didn't love the Snatch and There Will Be Blood references during the fight scene. Epic.

Clearly, as South Park Elementary's Principal encouraged Wendy to fight by comparing cancer to an annoying kid who has an uncanny ability to manipulate bad situations to his favor (including AIDS, pretending to have Tourette's in order to make highly offensive comments, etc), South Park's writers were not only promoting breast cancer awareness (who knows if any viewers actually got on webmd, or the american cancer soceity though to learn more, probably not many), and doing so through their medium without making light of the terrible disease. And, at the same time, it was a very solid episode.

Talking about serious issues on funny shows is not easy-- but even spending a couple minutes using a serious issue as a metaphor for something that is not serious keeps it in the conversation. I'm willing to bet that any women with breast cancer that are also South Park fans and watched this episode found some at the very least some laughter, and isn't that really the best medicine?

On top of that, I guarantee you that any 200 pound pre-pubescent little dudes out there that watched this are gonna strap on some running shoes tomorrow. Maybe to actually exercise, or maybe in a feeble attempt to flee some fired up chick on the playground.

Either way folks, tomorrow the world will be a better place because of South Park. Yea, I said it.

I Need a Vacation

As mentioned on washingtonpost.com, John Madden will be taking a day off this week. That marks 476 straight days at the office for the immortal NFL Hall of Fame announcer. (Does this mean Frank TV will be taking a day off too? I hope so.) Given his well known fear of flying, I am actually surprised it hasn't happened sooner.

Generally, on hungover Sunday afternoons when we're laying around watching football, inevitably someone is bound to mention that "John Madden has the best job ever!" After thinking about this for a couple days, I'm not so sure.

Sure he goes to a NFL game a week, talks football all week, meets some very famous athletes, and gets paid tons of money to do it. But due to his own fears, he's stuck on a bus, sometimes with a full bus of folks sometimes with just his agent and an assistant, laying around I guess, on his way to next week's game. How miserable would it have been if he had been at the San Diego game, driven to way to Tampa this week, and then went all the way to San Fran for week 8? He's clearly getting to do some great stuff, but that has to take its toll. I still want to know when he found time to do Outback commercials during the season. Good for him.

Granted, I wouldn't hesitate to leave my current job to do what he's doing. Are you kidding me? But for John Madden, there have to be other options out there. Why not do something regional with Fox or CBS doing stuff only on the West Coast (he lives in Oakland)?

Personally, I'm glad he does it. I'm a John Madden fan. Despite the occasional incoherent babble or statement that just doesn't make any sense, he really brings a lot to the table. Not just football knowledge, but general entertainment. Even if its unintentional, it brings something different to the football game other than the general standard commentary. How often when you've got Joe Buck and Troy Aikman working a game can you find anything mildy humorous?

So here's to you John Madden. You're easily the most widely impersonated living sports figure, which makes your unintentional comedy a gift that keeps on giving. Enjoy that day off.

Hip-Hip

Debby Downer

"There's just something about ya/thats got me not knowin if I want to kiss ya or smack the fuck out ya" - Methodman, You Remind Me Remix

Back in the spring of 2002. I was faced with a tough decision, college. I went 2 for 2 in acceptances (hall of fame numbers), and was stuck between Wisconsin and Maryland. As a sports enthusiast, my decision boiled down to one easy question. Which school would provide me with the most sports happiness? Given the events of 2002, it was pretty clear which school that was going to be. CO-ACC Champion in football, and eventual National Champion in basketball (Maryland also beat Wisconsin in the Sweet Sixteen that year, the first nail in the coffin), Maryland was the no brainer pick.

Since then it hasn't been such a high flying experience. It isn't so much the fact that occasionally my alma mater fields a bad team. Hey, that is going to happen. What does grind my gears, however, is when a team not only fails to live up to expectations, but does so in a roller coaster, up and down fashion that by mid-november or early march, you're curled up in a ball remembering happier times.

So, as my beloved Terps sit on the cusp on a national ranking, I'm forced to ask myself, "Are we for real this time?" Even after a horrible, seemingly inexcusable loss to Middle Tennessee State (who just squeaked it out over Florida Atlantic for their second win of the season this week) we still find ourselves among the best teams in the league. It isn't much of a surprise since we've knocked off ranked teams in back to back weeks making it four straight against ranked teams dating back to last year.

Although we are 4-1, and look to be making a case for a run for a good season, I still have my doubts. Last year, I was in attendance as we shocked a ranked Rutgers team in Jersey. I felt really good about where we were headed. Even after we squeaked it out against GTech the next week with Erin Henderson injured, I still felt confident we were making strides. Then came UVA, Clemson, and UNC. Loss, loss, and agonizing loss. Then, out of nowhere, we dominated Boston College, division favorite, at home. How did the team that lost three straight tough games come out and knock off the top team in the division? Who knows.

This is the kind of performance I have come to expect. Playing to the level of your opponent. They have looked solid the past two games. Taking care of the ball, getting Heyward-Bey his touches, being creative on offense, bend but don't break on defense. With UVA coming up this week fresh off a bashing at the hands of puke... I mean duke, it feels like the Terps are going to roll again. This time I really want to believe it. I do. But something in the back of my mind keeps wondering which team is going to show up. The team that beat up on two teams looking to contend for a national title coming into the season, or the team that stumbled against a bottom dweller hoping to find 3 or 4 wins this season?

I really can't be sure. The only encouragement I get from this season is that we went out and ran up the score against Eastern Michigan, 51-24. If we can go down to Scott Stadium (no relation, I swear), and handle our business against a team averaging 9 points a game, I'll feel much better.

Please help me avoid the fetal position this year boys... Please.