Perdón, señor. ¿Dónde está el Valtrex?

It's Fall of 2005. You're setting up a Madden 2006 franchise. You're doing the draft, thinking about how you're gonna take Madieu Williams in the 25th round and simulate the rest of the way. Lots of tough decisions. Except one. Unless you eat smoked meat logs for breakfast, you're taking Michael Vick at QB and never looking back on your way to several 15-1 seasons (obviously accepting the fact that you're gonna run into one of "those games").

We just kicked off the new year, it's 2009. To be honest, I have no idea what his situation is, but I'm guessing PETA has finally called off the dogs, pun very much intended, and El Señor Vick will be back on the streets shortly. Did I hear rumblings of a halfway house? I don't know. Anyways, since I live in the city of past their prime big names, it's safe to assume that, if he becomes available, burgundy and gold will at least be on the fringe of the conversation.

I'm also guessing that given that SkinsNation does have a healthy population of Hokies that there will be a fair amount of folks pushing to bring him to Landover. Coincidentally, one such cHokie asked me recently, "do you want Vick?"

"To do what? Give me advice on my rash that won't go away?" I replied.

Apparently, he wanted my honest opinion of how I would feel should my beloved Redskins opt to sign Mr. Ron Mexico. So, here it is.

I've seen Vick play live. 2006, 24-14 Falcons W in FedEx while the Skins were scraping for anything to get to the playoffs. In terms of excitement and unpredictability, Vick was one of the most amazing athletes I've seen in person. I've seen some good ones, Ovie obviously, LeBron, LaDainian, ARod, Mike Grinnon. All players who could come out of nowhere and rise above everybody else. Vick, clearly, was one of those players.

That being said, I think it would be the worst decision this franchise could make since dropping Marty Schottenheimer for the Ol' Ball Coach.

Dude hasn't played football in 2 years. You can't tell me that he's staying in shape in prison. I'm sure he's gettin in some good reps throwing some weights around, but really? I think it's insulting to every professional football player that people could suggest that he can sit out for two years and come back ready to play from jump street.

But, for the sake of argument, let's just say that he is able to be in epic shape at 29 after 2 years in prison. How are you going to tell me that he's going to be ready for the speed of the game? Jamal Lewis spent what, 4 months in prison? He went from potential 300 yard games to mediocre at best. Maybe there were other factors involved, but he was a running back touching the ball 20-30 times a game. Vick is a quarterback! Not only does he touch the ball on every play, but he has to make the presnap reads and whatever else those guys do out there.

We're not talking about a guy who has traditionally taken care of the ball all that well historically either. In 74 career games, he's turned the ball over 71 times. I definitely feel like if he's been spending 2 years away from the game that this number could only go up. But let's be honest, he's spent a fair amount of time doing his best to hold onto the soap in the shower. Holding a football should be easier right?

To be fair, whoever goes for him isn't going to have to give up much, but I don't think it's even worth what little price the Falcons will ask. Particularly for the Redskins. I understand the value of putting some pressure on your underperforming QB, but at least do it with someone who has some credible threat to take over the position. Not somebody who is just going to make more noise by bringing more media attention and less actual production to your team.

Does Vick play defensive end? How about left tackle? Maybe he can kick field goals. We could use it.

For now, I'd rather remember him as one of the most impressive athletes I've seen in person, and one of the biggest generators of herpes and dog abuse jokes this world may ever know. I have no interest of putting him in with all the other big names that have fallen well short of making an impact in Washington.

"Mom... you should probably hold onto Dad's Credit Cards."

In a lot of ways, trying to build a professional sports team is like going to a casino. You always go in with high expectations assuming you're gonna leave with full pockets. Unfortunately, more often then not, you're leaving with your head down and the same story of good intentions and bad luck. The problem is that not only are the odds against you, but the casino owners have figured out a way to make it fun to lose your shirt.

The last time I was in AC, I lost a ton of money, and while it was happening I actually had this thought. "Ok, I am getting slaughtered at this Blackjack table. I've lost all the money I made last night, and this dealer is on a tear. But the waitress is coming by just frequently enough with the double jack and cokes, and my boys are all at the table and I'm having a great time. Maybe something great will happen." It also didn't help that I was getting drunk, and was particularly on point with the jokes that evening. I knew I was losing a ton of money, but somehow I kept throwing my money away because I was having a good time. Needless to say, I left the table with an empty wallet.

I get the feeling that many owners and GMs out there have similar sentiments. "Yea, my moves aren't working, but it's really fun to negotiate trades with my buddies. I'll just keep doing what I've been doing and maybe something great will happen." As in the casino, hoping for the best doesn't generally work out.

What's missing is a strategy. At the casino, maybe youre thinking, "hey, let's go to the blackjack table, stick to a strategy that maximizes my odds and potential payouts, play until either I'm down $200, or I'm up $200. If I'm up, Morton's and the Crazy Horse. Boom."

I can't pretend to know anything about running a professional sports franchise, but in DC we have a two examples of how to keep your team in the papers, but for different reasons. One flounders in mediocrity but people give a shit becaused they spend a lot of money in the off season, the other is one of the best team's in their league. Obviously, I am referring to the Redskins and the Capitals, respectively.

Since Dan Snyder purchased the Skins, we've gone from just awful to pretty average. Somewhat of an upgrade, but for the last four seasons the story this time of year has been who needs to lose so that we can be playing in January. We did make the playoffs twice, but could only squander a 1-2 record, and in our one win we broke a record for fewest yards in a playoff win. Real fun to watch.

I obviously don't have to go down the list of terrible moves, but it goes without saying that for the most part the plan seems to be "we're going to focus all of our efforts on trades and big free agent signings, fuck the draft, and we're gonna do it all with a revolving door in the head coach's office." Good plan guys. Not only are they somehow intent to depend on getting players that are either past or nearly past their prime, but they're spending more money doing it. By avoiding the draft, they are only getting players who have already achieved, who quite literally did something great in the past, and in a different system. And since they already did big things, they demand more cash.

What happens, clearly, is that the team is trying to succeed with aging players, and there's very little continuity because there's a new face on the sidelines every other year. Awesome. And, when it's obvious the moves aren't working, is there a change of strategy? No. Just an explanation. I'm paraphrasing here, but I'm pretty sure it was along the lines of "Dan just wants to win more than anybody else." Oh.

Geniuses in the Redskins PR Department. Tell me if you can imagine this conversation happening.

Husband: I have some awful news. I just lost $10,000 at the blackjack table.
Wife: Are you fucking kidding me? We were going to use that for a down payment on a beach house...
Husband: I know. But here's the thing... I really wanted to win! More than anybody!!
Wife: Oh, well in that case, here's another $10,000. Go get um tiger!

No. Clearly not. And the worst part is, after a lame 8-8 season (6-2, 2-6), I really don't see where we're getting much better next year.

Fortunately, we've got the Caps. For a while there, things weren't lookin so hot. Before last year's epic run, they were stuck in the Southeast Division cellar. But here's the difference. While they were doing terrible, they were steadily building. They drafted our entire first line (when healthy), our #1 defenseman, and two goalies (Notably Varlamov, 2-0 in NHL starts).

Surprise, we won the Southeast Division last year after an unreal string of wins, and are cruising again this season. We have the league's reigning mvp who is locked up for a THIRTEEN YEAR DEAL, and are just flat out trashing the place, and the best part is that our team leaders are 4 young kids, Ovechkin is in his 4th year! Until a few months ago, you could find Nicklas Backstrom outside of beer stores looking for somebody to buy him booze. We're gonna be great for a long time.

So let's be honest. The Skins are going to keep making it somewhat interesting for the foreseeable future, but the bandwagon is gonna be in the garage for awhile. In the meantine, get yourself down to the Greene Turtle pound some beers, head into the Verizon Center, pound some more beers, and enjoy yourself. It's the only place you're gonna find some winners in this town.

Sam Spence Does Not Get Enough Credit

"These are two good football teams with Super Bowl aspirations." I didn't write it. Scouts Inc on ESPN did. What's more, my iPod is on shuffle right now, and this song just came on out of nowhere. Sam Spence, Everybody!

If shit like this doesn't get you fired up, just go ahead and leave your jersey on my desk, take a few days off, and don't come back because we don't need dead weight like you dragging us down anymore. Thanks.

In terms of being a season ticket holder, the three games this month are the emotional peak. The NFL did us a favor spreading them out over 5 weeks because I don't think many folks could handle the intensity back to back to back. Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Monday evening, the Steel City vs. the Capital of the Free World. Obviously, this isn't quite at the level of a division match-up, but I think I'll take the best team in the AFC under the lights in front of 90,000.

The downside is that both teams are a little banged up. The Steelers just can't catch a break really. Ben Roethlisomething is a shell of a man, Willie Parker is coming off a long spell of wearing sweatpants on the sidelines, and I'm guessing a bunch of other dudes are on their injury list too. Portis and Moss both have been held out of practice. Lets be honest, this is going to be a hard hitting affair in Landover. The more rest the better in my opinion.

Depending on where you're lookin', the B&G are favored by a point or two heading into what's likely to be a bonecrushing matchup. Here's the thing. We're not blowing out teams, we know this. We covered in one of our last three (Detroit, -7.5), mostly because our gameplan relies on CP, ball control, ya know. Looks like all we need to do here to cover is to win. Put your chips on the table boys.

From an unbiased standpoint, it will be interesting to see if this Redskins team can do enough to win against the #1 defense in the league by relying on a gameplan that has such a small margin for error.

Boring.

What's great about this game is two teams that want to control the line of scrimmage and think they'll win because they'll have more in the tank in the 4th quarter. Count of big hits. Count on a some wild plays, sacks, turnovers. #1 defense vs. #6 defense. This is beef on beef football. Gonna be great to watch.

Here's the difference. Offense. Portis, best rb in the league. Moss. Did you see him blow up last week?? Hey I'm pumped they have guys like Ward that do the little things. Great. But where are the guys that are going to do the big things? Who's gonna break off 20 yard runs? A banged up Parker? Hardly. We have the big-play makers. They don't. In a game that's probably going to be decided by who can make that big play, you gotta feel like the odds are in our favor there. Gonna be a great game. FedEx will be electric. I just think the clock has struck midnight already for this Steelers team. They're gonna spend all season trying to get healthy. Our best days are ahead of us, and I'm guessing we're gonna have one of our best days on Monday Night.

So yea. I'm fired up. Are you?