With the Caps going head to head with the Pens earlier this week, much was made about the state of the relationship of Alex Ovechkin and Evgeni Malkin, two Russians who were once the best of friends and now hold a hatred for each other reminiscent of Sioux descending on Colonel Custer at Little Bighorn.So much has been discussed about their rocky relationship that it's beginning to resemble the battle between two rival 16-year-olds battling to become Prom Queen... and not just because of their inevitable future plastic surgery.
So for those who aren't aware of the situation, who I'm assuming are women (statistics show that 87% of people that don't read hockey news are female), I'll explain through the eyes of two fictional high schoolers, Kimmy and Jenny.
Kimmy: O.M.G., Jenny. Can you believe what Alex did to Evgeni?
Jenny: WTF?? Kimmy, Alex and Evgeni are B.F.F! They were roommates at the 2006 Winter Olympics in Turin. They hang out like all the time.
Kimmy: Not even! I just read about it in US Weekly during History.
Jenny: Oh my god. Isn't John Scott in that class? He is sooo funny. I love him!
Kimmy: Jenny. Focus. So they were B.F.F. but then this one night they were out at a bar with all their friends, and they haven't talked to each other since!
Jenny: What happened?
Kimmy: Nobody really knows, but what I heard was that a fight broke out and one of Evgeni's best friends got his jaw broken and had to get it wired shut... for... a... month!!
Jenny: OH MY GOD! Did Alex hit him?
Kimmy: I dunno. All I know is they haven't talked since.
Jenny: But listen to this. I heard that Alex was totally like "I hope we start talking by the Winter Olympics next year" or something. Like "I'm really looking forward to playing with him" or whatever.
Kimmy: That's totally like in Anchorman...
(Do 16 year old girls like Anchorman? I'm not sure, but let's just pretend)
Jenny: What part???
Kimmy: You know at the end when Vince Vaughn is like, "I hate you Ron Burgundy, but god dammit I respect you."
Jenny: Haha, I love that movie. It's so us!
I hope that was informative.
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