Terps Typical Tourney Trip-up - Day 2 - LIVE

6:35 - Alright here we go. Some good news from the bubble. South Carolina lost to Mississippi State about an hour ago. The fact remains that the Terps have to win here tonite. I just cracked a Natural to get the karma goin early here. Maddie is making some Old Bay Shrimp Scampi, which is delicious, and should go great with low cost beer. Everybody is fired up down here.

6:49 - Last time we played Wake Forest in the ACC Tournament....

6:59 - Linda Cohn, while discussing Joe Lunardi's most recent "First 4 Out" just stated that Maryland, along with Arizona, St. Mary's, and New Mexico, lost in it's conference tournament. She's either wildly mistaken, or is having some Desmond Hume like flashes and has seen this game already. Either way, I want to punch her in the face for her mistake.

7:09 - And we're off. I was kind of thinking about dropping Mosley out of the starting lineup tonite, but I think Gary made the right move keeping him in. Hopefully we don't have to wait until 13:00 to get Hayes in tonite.

7:11 - If you're in the ACC Region, you are probably just as excited as I am that we don't have to hear Jimmy Dykes talk about Oklahoma State tonite. Also, Dave Neal just blocked a 7 footer. That just happened.

7:14 - Jimmie Johnson just got called for his second foul. Look at him, always impeccible hair.

7:14 - Dino... comin out firin.

7:17 - First TV timeout. I don't think Wake could be shooting much worse from the field. We really should be creating some seperation here. Definitely Eric Hayes time.

Can someone explain to me why Raycom Sports always force feeds us musical artists all year long? In the Fall it was all about Doughtry, now we've got some other lame guys. Chill out Raycom... Chill out.

7:19 - Wake... 0/3 from the line... I'm an asshole, make that 1/4.

7:22 - Dino.... Magnum.

7:26 - Rumors coming out of Atlanta are that Dave Neal has eaten all his meals since last night's game at the nearby Waffle House. Total meals.... 14.

7:30 - Jimmie Johnson picks up his 3rd foul. Not a single hair on his head moves. Gotta give credit to his hair and makeup guy.

7:32 - First poster dunk of the night. Fortunately, Dave Neal didn't get any grundle sweat on his face this time. He seems happy about it.

7:34 - Milbourne keeps his attempts at shooting in the paint ending up in a blocked shot streak alive. Unofficially it's now at 5.

7:37 - Things we all want less of: pictures of Henrik Steinson playing golf in his underwear, Manny being Manny, and Landon Milbourne being on the floor. He has not come to play at all here in his home state.

7:42 - How long until this commercial...

"Hi, I'm Greivis Vasquez. I once covered Kobe Bryant in an international basketball competition. I must have been getting all the ladies right? Wrong. I suffered from a very awkward skin condition that hurt my confidence on and off the court. Now, I use Proactiv Solution..."

7:46 - Gotta love the intensity here tonite. Greivis just sat on L.D. Williams' face. I'm not kidding.

7:49 - Huge difference from last game. Wake is gettin in a little bit of foul trouble here, and we're getting to the line. Last game, as we know, we didn't shoot a single free throw in the first half. Eric Hayes is gearin up for numbers 11 and 12. In other news, how pumped are Skins fans that Andre Smith opted to do his pro day shirtless? I'm sorry, I'd prefer not to have huge chunky dudes on my offensive line. Thanks.

7:53 - Dino... your work in the Winter '95 International Male Catelog... made me want to be a model.

7:54 - With that Milbourne foul we get to witness the Braxton Dupree project. Never missed a Monday Night Fajita Night at the North Campus Diner. Nobody is more upset they missed the Buffalo Chicken Sandwich years.

7:56 - People I'd rather see on the floor than Braxton Dupree: Ellen Degeneres (she's just good people) , Methodman (I imagine he's decent at basketball since he's from the hood), Prince (same reason), President Barack Obama (obvious reasons), the deaf tennis ball girl from Seinfeld(she can read lips well).

HALFTIME - Terps up 36-31. Terps are lookin strong, but sooner or later Jimbo Johnson has gotta come back on the floor. I think we all feel like the 1-3-1 is gonna come out after halftime. Although, I think that would be a mistake. Teague has basically shut down Hayes (although he's getting points from the line where he's 6 for 6), and going to a crazy half court zone would open up those opportunities a little I think. Who knows what Dino Meatballs has up his sleeves.

Is it still Happy Hour? - Dave Neal seems a little too focused on the two blondes in the third row. He's 0 for 4 from outside.

No Gimme Putts - Why can't we make lay-ups? Drives me to drinking. First I thought it was just that we couldn't finish after getting fouled, now it's clear we just aren't sure how to make the easiest shot in the entire game. Which makes sense because we have had the most trouble with the worst teams on our schedule.

Contract Year - Ok I figured it out. Dino Gregory is freaking out because we have two large players coming in next year. It's shit or get off the pot time, and it seems as if he's gonna need some toilet paper.

8:19 - And we're back. I just noticed that it looks like we're wearing Chucks tonite. Interesting.

8:20 - 3 more missed layups until Bowie shows his NBA Street moves, and Mosley finally finds the bottom of the net. Terps up 9.

8:22 - Bubble News - Illinois is putting away Michigan. Xavier and Temple are going down to the wire. Need the X-men there.

8:24 - Teague on the bench which helps. Jimmie Johnson gets back in the book with an easy lay-up, and here's the 2-1-2 zone, but Mosley with his season high for easy lay-ups with 2.

8:26 - Huh? Mosley 4 for 18 from outside on the year just stepped up and knocked a big one down. Terps up 15.

8:28 - Still don't feel comfortable with a 15 point lead with 16:00 left here. This is like morning in Cancun. "Ok... will 2 chewable Pepto Bismols be enough here? I dunno. Let's go with 5. Better safe than sorry here."

8:36 - Jeff Teague gets his first points."The seal is broken for Jeff Teague." If this was a bladder buster party, a lot of people would be very upset.

8:41 - Here we go. Everybody knew Wake was gonna get their run. Greivis with a horrible shot, but Dave Neal, fresh off a Denny's Grand Slam on the bench, cleaned up the trash and added two.

8:43 - What just happened? Some Wake guy shot the ball straight behind him somehow. Tucker missed a fast break layup. Allegedly it was a block. Sounded like a foul. Awful camera angle. In other news. Last TV Timeout I mentioned "hey... feels like we've really taken care of the ball here tonite." Since... 5 turnovers.

8:47 - Vasquez finally pump fakes from outside... easy lay-up.

8:47 - Hayes. Stickin with the Mike Jones ACC Championship impression knocks down his first 3 of the game.

8:50 - Vasquez picks up his fourth. Do you sit him now? Conventional wisdom says yes, but he has been our best option and Wake is grabbing momentum. I think you sit him, but you could argue to keep him out there. Now it gets interesting.

8:51 - Alley-.... ooo the old blocked by the rim play. Nice, but Dupree blows it with a lame offensive foul. 6 minutes.

8:53 - Dave Neal is starting to remind me too much of Sean Battier. Awful attempts at drawing the charge everytime down the floor. He goes to the bench with 4.

8:55 - 4:37 left. Gotta get Vasquez back in there. Salts me right up that Dino gets a rebound, the shot clock resets and he goes to the hole. Sophomore mistake. Gotta milk that shot clock Dino. Milk it. Terps by 8.

8:56 - Dave Neal halfway through a double meat chipotle burrito knocks down a big three.

8:57 - Greivis... 2 straight missed 3s. Awful, but Milbourne on the floor for the loose ball! Big hustle play. Maybe the first of this career. Shades of his look alike, D.J. Strawberry.

9:01 - ...Ok.. Starting to believe here. 2:21 left. Neal with a huge rebound and draws a big foul. He stayed at a Holliday Inn Express last night.

9:03 - Start the Bus. Hayes with an epic pass to Mosley. 69-60 1:26 left. "Let's Go Maryland!" Love to hear the Terp fans gettin fired up.

9:05 - Ok I've waited a long time to share this because I didn't think it would hold up, but as Joe Barron pointed out to me about half an hour ago... Gary doesn't look like he's gonna need to dry clean his suit after this one. I really feel like between going on an actual recruiting visit the other week, and telling the team before the tourney that we were going to need to win two that we could be looking at a New Gary.

9:08 - Wow. Is this actually happening? Clearly we aren't in the Tourney yet but... tough to see us falling short now. By the way, Greivis with 22-9-8. Really hope Duke pulls this one out because I want a piece real bad.

Take the kids to you mother's Alice! We're goin Dancin'!

Go Terps!

Terps Typical Tourney Trip-up - Day 2

Special thanks go out to Natural Light for propelling the Terps to victory last night. I'll have to pick up some for the game this evening.

Here are the afternoon headlines...

• Terps Win! And on a serious note, Eric Hayes was motivated by a unexpected death of a family friend. Not sure how that affects his play again tonite, but I'm sure he's under some intense strain.
• Bubble Teams Vtech and Minnesota failed to grab big wins today over UNC and Michigan State, respectively. Helps.
• Lunardi has the Terps as the 5th team out in Bracketology right now. Bottomline, we need this game or we're hosting a couple NIT games at the cable box. Really can't see both San Diego State and New Mexico (who lost to the Wyoming Cowboys last night) sneaking in the backdoor though...
• Couple teams we're pulling for before tip-off: Mississippi State (vs. South Carolina), Illinois (vs. Michigan), and Xavier (vs. Temple).

Mid-Afternoon Gut Feeling - Terps are getting 6 points, and that feels pretty reasonable. We had our chances last week against this team, but they are just too fast and too athletic. Once we got up 5 against NCST you felt fine because they don't play well coming from behind. Wake, on the other hand can score in bunches, as I saw first hand. So yea, I don't feel good about having to play this team with our season on the line.

I think we will come to play though since Gary has been getting them fired up. The "Win Two" philosophy he's been pushing is interesting too. Another thing we have going for us is that Wake is still a young team. For half their starters this is only their second ACC Tourney game after an early exit last year.

All of that being said, I don't think it will be enough. My head tells me something in the ballpark of 77-70 Wake. It will be tight most of the game, but the 1-3-1 zone and Wake's depth will wear us down. Prove me wrong kids.

I'll have some more thoughts over the course of the day, and will be back to blog LIVE during the game.

Go Terps!

Terps Typical Tourney Trip-Up - LIVE!!!!

Welp here we are. Terps are up against it. Since my entertainment factor heavily increases the more depressed I am, I thought it would be a good idea to give you my feelings, LIVE, and in living color for all to see. So check back periodically to see how I'm coping with Maryland throwing their season away. (If you are reading this tomorrow... you already know how this ends, so this might have a Titanic-esque effect for your enjoyment/disappointment). Hopefully the Terps can be as aggressive and dominating tonite as I am with this burger.

6:43 - Last time we started a ACC Tourney against NC State...

6:44 - Sorry. I singlehandedly just guaranteed we're going to lose tonite. Sorry folks. Put all your money on the Wolfpack. It's a good bet.

6:56 - Gut instinct prediction - NC State 63 - Maryland 62 and only because of this. Love the focus from our star player. Thanks.

6:59 - From the intro two things immediately jump out. 1. We're wearing white finally. 2. We look like we're out there to have some fun today, which is nice. Dave Neal looks like McDonald's just put the McRib back on the menu.

7:03 - LATE BREAKING NEWS!! Greivis Vasquez is a Triple Double waiting to happen! 2nd Team All ACC, which as we've been told by ESPN is a "Gallery of Stars," which is one of the lamest things I've heard all day.

7:05 - For the first time since mid-December, we don't start the game with a Dave Neal attempt for 3. Instead, we settle for a wildly unnecessary Vasquez floater.

7:07 - On the positive front, Bowie and Mosley are workin hard on the offensive boards which is about as important remembering to flush.

7:11 - And DAVE NEAL IS ON THE BOARD!

7:14 - 13 - 8 NCST at the first tv timeout. Does anyone else still feel uncomfortable when Sidney Lowe wears the Red Suit? I feel like I'm watching Dick Tracy.

7:17 - Why is it that every time the Terps see a Zone we look like its the first time we've been up against it. It's like a baby trying to eat solid food for the first time. "... hmm... this is neewwww..."

7:23 - I've been getting a few e-mails about what I'm eating during the game here. Great question. As Gary calls our first timeout after giving up an open shot, dribbling the ball out of bounds, and another open three, I'm eating my own vomit. Keep those e-mails comin!!

7:26 - We've just been introduced to ESPN2's new "Gary-Cam" which brings Gary on the sidelines into splitscreen with game action. The Parental rating just skyrocketed to TV-MA. They should keep it though because Hayes just hit a 3.

7:27 - Alright. Hayes came to play.

7:29 - I've realized the problem. I haven't had a beer yet. Pardon me. I'm on my way to the fridge. Thanks for the reminder.

7:33 - Ok... Eric Hayes loves the split screen 3-pt attempts. He's now 2 for 2 (3 for 3 overall).

7:36 - Terps are on a 13-2 run since I opened a can of Natural. Thanks for comin out!

7:40 - Although I've been dogging our favorite Venezuelan, Mr. Vasquez currently is leading the team in assists - 5, and rebounds - 3.

7:42 - Dino Gregory drains the 18 footer to give the terps the lead. About as unexpected as the colon blow scene in Zach and Miri make a porno... you know what I'm talkin about. Also, the Caps just took a 1-0 lead! (Laich, Backstrom and Ovie with the assist)

7:46 - Vasquez and the NCST PG just shared a moment. A laugh, a butt smack, and everybody's friends. Mosley throws it away. Rookie mistake here.

HALFTIME - Well, I think we're happy to be even here. Clearly, took us a little while to get in gear.

Guy I want to punch in the face - Sadly, Sean Mosley. I'm a huge fan but he has come out flatter than a single pancake that has yet to be blessed with syrup. He's had one board, one assist, and he's missed two easy shots. Unofficially I've got him at 3 turnovers, including 2 awful passes. Does anyone else think he could easily fill in for Walt on Lost?

First Half's Derek Zoolander - Dino Gregory. Alright, so we found out that he can't go to his left. He's not an ambiturner. But, he hit a surprising 18 footer, and has two blocks, including one at the end of the half that was reminiscent of "Blue Steel."

Who? - Eric Hayes. 3-4 in the first half, and leading the team with 9 points. Dare I say Mike Jones-esque?

8:05 - And we're back. The 1st Half Stats were brought to us by Guinness. Gotta be a good sign for somebody.

8:10 - Dave Neal allegedly is a "beef jerky" kind of guy. Apparently he gets chewed on alot.

8:12 - Actual analysis: We're doing well to get to the line tonite. In the Wake game we didn't take a single free throw in the first half.

8:17 - Bubble Watch - Tulane up on Memphis 32-30. Trouble.

8:18 - Milbourne has gotten blocked attempting to dunk over dudes 3 times. His face is red.

8:26 - Two overweight under sized big guys just traded 3s. Only in America folks. And the more undersized, and slightly more overweight, Neal, just hit another. Look out.

8:29 - Jimmy Dykes, who has been at best, slightly more interesting than listening to my mother, not a basketball fan, try to provide analysis for this game, has just mentioned Oklahoma State twice in the past 5 minutes. Somebody in Atlanta needs to toss a D battery in his general direction.

8:32 - I'm just gonna come out and say it. Dino Gregory just made "The Leap." Seeled off his man, took it straight to the hole, was fouled, and finished. He then threw a man-sized fist pump. The training wheels are officially off in my humble opinion.

8:38 - How awesome is the Jimmy Rollins Dick's Sporting Goods commercial? Almost Terrible Terry Tate Office Linebacker hilarious.

8:42 - Greivis Vasquez - Fifth Time's a Charm. Finally knocks down a very timely three. I also fooped there trying to will that into the bucket.

8:43 - Dino just officially showed us "Magnum", and maybe he turned left I'm not sure. Huge block. Terps up 4 with 2:00 left.

8:48 - My girlfriend, taking one for the team, just informed me that she's been waiting in her car outside listening to the game on the radio until it's over so as not to upset the balance in the force in here. She's a keeper folks. Don't worry ladies, I told her she can come inside. (Only because Terps are up 6 and Hayes is on his way to the line).

8:52 - Start the bus folks. All you Terp Fans, Maryland state law requires you to do whatever you did today at 7 again tomorrow at 7. That is a fact. I will once again be blogging here, and since there's a lot going on tomorrow, I'll probably put up some interesting facts as the action happens. Go Terps!

Terps 0 - Livers 0 - Everybody Else - :)

In Greek Mythology, the Titan Prometheus is credited with stealing fire from the gods and giving it to man (I read it in wikipedia, so it must be true). As punishment for his crime, Zeus had him tied to a cliff where a giant eagle would eat his liver only for it to grow back over night and again be eaten the next day (which for many of us is sooo college).

Let's be honest, the ancient Greeks were some pretty sick fucks right? Not a bad realization of hell.

Welp, here's mine. Every year for the past 4 years I've spent the entire summer/fall leading to basketball season convincing myself that I shouldn't get my hopes up about Maryland Basketball because it's pretty clear that we have a lack of talent and/or general ability. Then, outta nowhere, they bring me back in with a unexpected win. After bringing back down to Earth with the conference schedule, they make a crazy run at .500 complete with a memorable upset against Duke, UNC, or maybe both.

Then something awful happens. Gary's smoke and mirrors fade, and we fall flat. In 2005, as I looked on from my seat in the Verizon Center, it was a never before seen third straight loss to Clemson in the ACC Tourney. 2007 we made the Tournament!!! But then we lost to mid-major Butler on St. Patrick's Day. Not even several carbombs could erase the pain that day.

Now that all my friends are, thanks to Lost...


** LOST SPOILER ALERT***





...pulling a John Locke, looking for extension cords to hang themselves with, let me try to find the silver lining here.

Despite recent history, I'm really trying to tell myself that maybe we can pull this off. One thing is for sure, I won't be present in Charlottesville Saturday afternoon. I was in the Cable Box for the last two losses, and so I'll be taking one for the team and heading to Hoboken St. Patrick's Day. A sacrifice I wouldn't wish on anyone.

It makes me nervous to even mention that we have some games coming up for fear of being responsible for another first week of March fiasco. Hopefully we break out of this month of March funk. If we don't I'm probably just going to simulate an animal eating my entire liver.

I'm sure I won't be alone.

Like Caucasians to Chipotle

Dear Debbie Yow,

Do us all a favor and just call the season right now. Let's be honest, we just got our standard shocker win over a top ten team, we managed to get back to .500, Greivis dropped a triple double, everybody is loving us... let's just ride off into the sunset satisfied with how things have gone, and just end it.

No matter what happens the rest of the way, beating UNC will 100% be the peak, and in all likelihood we're already setting ourselves up for a typical miserable collapse. So let's just save us all a lot of misery and hang it up.

Your Friend,

Juan

PS. I blame you for making us have to stick with these horrible yellow jerseys. I hope you're happy with yourself.

At the very least, Vasquez should hire an agent today because his NBA draft stock is never going to be higher. I also suggest that Cliff Tucker make a quality DVD of his performance during the UNC game to show to his kids and focus on his degree because it's all downhill from here, bud.

The only players that should want to keep playing are Dave Neal and Landon Milbourne. Neal for the obvious reasons, he's been playing with house money since this season started. There's really every reason for him to let it ride at this point. Milbourne, after fouling out with a weak 6 points and 4 boards, is that guy at the blackjack table that ends up down while all his buddies are getting up from the table with $300 in their pockets. "Come on guys... just one more shoe... come on!"

Even as Maryland fans we should probably just keep the tv off from here on out, and everybody knows it, but we'll all submit ourselves to the inevitable heartbreak anyways. It's like all non-latinos and chipotle. We remember that it was very tasty, but we choose to forget the horrific aftermath on the toilet.

Being a Maryland fan is all about the one or two huge wins we steal a year, and choosing to forget how awful the rest of the season was. Although I know this to be true, I still managed to convince myself that it would be worth it to get a ticket to the Duke game Wednesday night even though I know it isn't going to turn out well.

Let's look at the upcoming schedule.

Duke at home. Duke is coming off a dominating win at home over #9 Wake that broke them out of their rut. We'll spot them 40 points early.

At NC State. They've won 4 of their last 5 at home and we've won one game on the road against the worst team in the league. Really feel good about this one.

Wake Forest at home. Although Wake has struggled on the road, their starting 5 looks like 6'2" 6'4" 6'9" 6'9" 7'0". We've got a shot here. No... no we don't.

At UVA to close out the year. Is there any place that we inexplicably drop more games than Charlottesville? Probably not.

I just don't like our chances. I think we all know that when we look at back the 2008-2009 season that the only thing we're going to remember is the unreal comeback win against UNC and Vasquez's triple double. Both great, but probably too little too late.

So put the Chipotle down white folks, you probably don't have enough pepto or toilet paper at home to survive this one.

"I See Dead People... Walking Around Like Regular People."

After watching UVA inexplicably upset Clemson in overtime in Charlottesville just now, MY20 followed up the game with the movie that best describes Clemson's typical February collapse, The Sixth Sense.

Every year they blow through the non-conference schedule. The hype builds, their ranking climbs, and their fans start to think "hey, maybe this is the year." But then something happens, the ACC Conference slate kicks off and they fade faster than a sorority girl after drinking a cup of the "blue jungle juice."

Last year, it looked like maybe the Tigers could break the trend, and they finally did by securing a 12 seed in the NCAA Tourney. But along the way, they earned the distinction of being the only team to be taken from a lock for a tourney bid to being on the bubble for the second year in a row. They also likely would have found themselves in the NIT once again had they not won two games in the ACC Tourney. Once they found themslves on the mountaintop, they lost in the first round to Villanova.

Granted, every year they've found a way to just barely outdo themselves, and once again they seemed to be threatening to vault themselves to a very solid seed. They beat Duke by 27.

All of a sudden, they've lost 2 of 3, including most recently a loss to UVA in overtime, and I'm not so sure they're a lock for to be playing in March anymore. They host the Terps on Tuesday, and have to travel to FSU and Wake, two teams they already lost to this year.

They're like Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense. The past few years they strut around in January like they're a contender in the ACC, but really all they've gotta do is see the huge exit wound on their back to see that they are grossly mistaken.

Since the 2006-2007 season, Clemson has lost 2 non-conference regular season games, which puts them second only to UNC during the same period. On the surface, that's pretty impressive.

Who'd they lose to? Mississippi and Charlotte. Interesting. How many ranked non-conference opponents have they played? 1. No. 18 Purdue, who they beat as a part of the ACC-Big Ten Challenge. Pretty lame.

With the second best regular season non-conference record in the last 3 years, you'd expect them to be in the ballpark of #2 for conference record right? Nope. Tied for 4th with a record of 23-19 behind UNC, Duke and Virginia Tech. Also at 23-19 is Maryland.

So what does that mean for the Terps? To me it means that of our next 3 games (@ Clemson, Duke, UNC) that Clemson seems to be the low hanging fruit. Somehow the media still thinks they are pretty good, so if we can find a way to beat them we'll be in good shape. Personally, I think we'll probably blow it since we're awful on the road.

Since the fact is that we have to find a way to win one of the next 3 to stay alive, and the Terps love to make it harder on themselves, we'll probably find a way to drop what should be the easiest game to win.

Hopefully the Terps can realize what we all should have, chances are Bruce Willis died from that pretty nasty gunshot wound to the kidney and Clemson, without any real non-conference tests, really isn't that good.

Hey You... You in the White... (Part 2)

The internet has made so many things easier.

• Keeping in touch with friends
• Getting up-to-the-minute information on your investments
• Masturbation
• Purchasing wildly underpriced consumer goods from Thailand

Another thing that the internet has made easier and more popular is following hometown athletes from high school to college to the pros. Back in the day when I was like 9 and a Michigan fan, I used to get so fired up for Dhani Jones because he started on a solid Michigan defense, and he went to Churchill, right down the road.

At 9, with no internet, that was pretty much all you had. Now there are 3 or 4 web sites to track it all, and on signing day, which was last week, you immediately know who is joining your alma mater's squad.

So, much to everyone's excitement, the Terps managed to scoop up 2 Cougars, Travis Hawkins and Zach Kerr, who both happen to be prettay... prettay good.

The great thing about looking at a Terps recruiting class is that you know you've got, at a minimum, a solid offensive lineman, a star skill player, and a future Pro Bowl front 7 guy.

Here are my best guesses.

Peter White - OG - 6'5" 340 lbs. Obviously it's never good when a player comes in and you hear stuff like "just too heavy to finish plays" or "will probably spend more time hangin out with Lee Majors eating breast bites than he will on the practice field" or everyone's favorite "think John Candy, The Great Outdoors. He'll be wearing #96 this year." Fortunately, I don't feel like he has the endurance to stand in line at the College Park Chipotle, so I think we can feel comfortable that he'll drop some pounds.

D.J. Adams - RB - 5'10" 210 lbs. I know, I can hear Berg already. "Oh way to go out on a limb John. Picking the NUMBER ONE recruit in the class." True. However, watching his film, it was too much to pass up. He reminds me of a young Herschel Walker. Thick, fast, and probably will end up being remembered more for his contributions as an Olympic Bobsledder than as an actual football player. Either way, we all know Fridge loves using at least 5 running backs in a season when he has the horses in the pen. Could be making a splash early and often, but also could star in "Cool Runnings 2: Jamaica, You've Got a DogSled Team".

DeOnte Arnett - DE - 6'4" 243 lbs. What do we know here? Clearly the more creative the first name of a defensive player for Maryland, the better he'll turn out. Whether it's unnecessary letters (Shawne Merriman), girl's names for guys (Erin Henderson), or the ever popular "q's not followed by u's to make the k sound" (D'Qwell Jackson), you know the more unusual, the more successful. Fact. Also, apparently Ohio State thought he was pretty good, so he's got that going for him. We may not hear from him until 2013, but rest assured Mr. Arnett will have at least 1 sack before his career ends.

So there you have it. Terps are on their way baby!

Hey You... You in the White... (Part 1)

This weekend we've been treated to a little bit of Spring like weather-- a taste of things to come, so to speak. As Terps Basketball typically holds onto the slimest of hopes of a winning season, Terps Football signs its 2009 recruits, and the NFL Draft buzz heats up, I keep finding myself asking some variation of this question...

"Which one of these dudes is gonna drive me to drinking next year?"

So, with that in mind, over the next week or so I'll share my thoughts on the offseason for the Terps and Skins, and why we could be bringin home 2 National Titles and a Lombardi Trophy Baby!!!

...but probably won't.

***********************************************************

"I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said 'thank you,' and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest that you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to." - Col. Nathan Jessep, A Few Good Men

Let's be honest, Gary's attempts to defend himself in the press the last few weeks haven't sounded too dissimilar to Mr. Nicholas before he so famously gave Tom Cruise the truth that he so badly wanted. But, even if his arguments are tired, he makes some pretty good points.

He did bring the program back into national prominence after the best basketball player in league history dropping dead in Washington Hall and the tough NCAA sanctions. He does have the most wins in Maryland history. He did bring us to 11 tourneys in a row including several sweet sixteen finishes. We've all come to love the traditional pre-game fist pumps.

That's to say nothing about the 2004 ACC Championship (easily one of the greatest moments of my life) and the 2001 National Championship (probably THE greatest moment of my life. I watched it in Cancun...).

But seriously, we all know all of that already. We lived it and it was great.

What is frustrating, aside from the few awful years we've had to deal with recently, is the occasional story of a high profile area recruit deciding to go elsewhere after being treated poorly on a recruiting visit. Most notably, for me, is Donte Greene's, Towson Catholic graduate who spent a year at Syracuse on his way to being an NBA lottery pick, account of his unofficial visit to Maryland.

On top of these anecdotes, everybody can see the 800 lb gorilla in the room. How, despite being deep in the heart of one of the most talent rich areas of the country, do we have so much trouble keeping any local talent?

Well, I can think of two good reasons.

1. For anybody watching Maryland basketball for the first time, one thing inevitably strikes you. "Damn, this coach is out of his mind!" This was particularly clear in the dwindling moments of the Georgia Tech game last Sunday as the Terps gave a foul, up 3 with 18 ticks on the clock. As the camera focused on Gary going justifiably apeshit, everyone could figure out what he was screaming. "You're a fucking asshole!" (Admittedly, if I didn't say it, I was thinking the same thing).

Yea, athletes are used to getting yelled at, and Gary clearly gets results, but if you're shopping around for the program that's going to help you grow into a successful college basketball player, are you gonna pick the guy that's probably going to call you a fucking asshole everytime you make a horrible play? Probably not.

2. This is what grinds my gears the most. Why is the "these players should want to stay local" argument being taken so seriously? If you're a star basketball player from one of P.G. County's less than stellar areas, which there are a couple, how is anybody gonna win you over with the "I know you've got potential, and you can go play anywhere, but why don't you stick around here for 3 or 4 more years" pitch?

Don't get me wrong, I love College Park, but would I have wanted to live there for more than 4 or 5 years? No chance. If I had put in 18 years in Upper Maralboro or Fort Washington, and somebody tried to convince me to make it 22 if I had better options, I would have punched them in the face. Fact.

With hurdles like that, sometimes I feel like Gary would have just as much of a shot pulling talent into Garyland using a strategy once used by Sophomore Dan Chimera to encourage an attractive blonde to be his classmate as she sat courtside in a silent Comcast Center prior to the national anthem.

Dune: Hey You! You in the white! You should go to Maryland!!

Gary definitely has a lot of overcome, but bringing Keith Booooooooooooooth along seems to make sense for countering the obstacles.

Next year's recruiting class has some promise. Granted, when compared to the other ACC classes, we're near the bottom, but that's nothing new. All I care about is that we've got some height and some beef coming in.

Even more importantly, Gary is not done. Reportedly, we're still aggresively recruiting one of the best shooting guard prospects in the nation, Lance Stephenson. (He's from Brooklyn so you know he's good). Keith Booth apparently did some man flirting as Lance visited Maryland for the Miami game, and apparently Lance enjoyed his visit. He's a high school teammate of James Padgett, who has already committed to Maryland, which clearly helps.

Do I think we'll land this 5 star recruit? No, but isn't it refreshing to know that we've got a shot?

My heart tells me we're gonna make a run at the pivotal 9 conference wins here, and although my head tells me we're gonna fall short, I feel like we're bringing some pieces together to be consistently competitive for awhile.

So here's a big fist pump to you Gary. Let's turn this around huh?

Think HFStival With Cheaper Beers and Lamer Bands

Preakness has brought me some great memories (Afleet Alex's nose in the dirt W at 4 to 1) and some awful memories (nice ankles, Barbaro, it's too painful to remember the line). But the one tie that binds all those memories together is the booze, which we without question purchased prior to our trip to Pimlico.

Sadly, as of today, BYOB on the Preakness infield is no more.

It really is the end of an era. The end of a beer-soaked, urine-puddled, porta-potty racing filled era.

As they say, all good things must come to an end, and in the era of moral standing where smoking is no longer permitted in bars (except in Arlington), trans fats aren't permitted in foods, and politicians are required to pay their taxes I think this was just the next shoe to drop.

Am I mad about it? Not really. I wasn't planning on going this year, and let's be honest, since many people that I know who were planning on going, but likely won't with this change, somebody is bound to have a good party, and it won't cost me $100 to go to it. From a tradition standpoint, it is a bummer though. For me, kids getting all boozed up at Pimlico once a year is a great Maryland tradition. But I think statewide, the opinions would be much more mixed, and may even tip toward the anti position. Judging by the standard Baltimore Sun coverage post-Preakness, it's seen as more of a mockery of state values, rather than the huge party/great time we've all come to know and love. That may be that to truly enjoy it, it must be viewed through beer goggles, but who's to say.

Who should be mad about it? People like Metzger who had a awe-inspiring Preakness attendance streak on the line, bus drivers, and hotel owners.

Metz couldn't be much saltier about this, but since he rarely enunciates I decided to avoid the interview. It's safe to assume that the elimination of his favorite annual party really grinds his gears.

Now onto some actual gripes. Bus Drivers and Hotel Owners in BMo must be pretty bummed that a major pay day for them is gone. I doubt many 18-24 year-olds are going to be willing to rent buses or get hotel rooms in downtown Charm City for this one. But if they do, I feel like finding a DD will be the relied on alternative because nobody is going to want to pay large sums of money to go somewhere that they'll have to pay more $ on beers.

The best comparison I can think of is the HFStival. To my knowledge, HFStival never permitted outside beverages either, but where there was a will there was a way (who didn't tape ziplock bags filled with cheap vodka to their body?). It always seemed like there was a pretty solid turnout, but clearly the bands were the headline. ZZ Top and Buckcherry, although big bands in their own right, really don't have that much of a draw right now.

Either way, even with a seemingly successful event, WHFS and the HFStival did not stand the test of time, and I think that's where the lesson is here.

The fact of that matter is that, as much as it pains a horse racing fan to say it, aside from the Triple Crown, horse racing just isn't that popular. Even when you tell people "we'll give you a huge field to do whatever you want, including gambling" and over 100,000 routinely show up, you still can't turn enough of a profit.

I'm not sure if it will work. Initially I felt like it had a chance. Maybe there are folks that don't want to walk through pee puddles all day that may enough a cheap day at a Triple Crown race. Unfortunately, and I know this from personal experience at the Kentucky Derby, there aren't.

So here's to you Maryland Jockey Club. I'm pullin for this to workout so we can keep Preakness in Maryland, but I think it smells like a desperate situation.

Either way, we know it probably won't. Just like there's an entire generation of people that never knew of getting boozed up on the Metro for a day of music fun and fornication at RFK for the HFStival, soon there will be a generation who won't have to figure out how to drink 10 beers on a bus from Gaithersburg to Baltimore without an obvious place to release some fluids on their way to Preakness.

Terps Win!

Was in Milbourne's 17? Nope

How about Jin Soo Kim's unexpected 5 point coming out party? Interesting, but no.

The person that was 100% responsible for the Terps finally beating Miami was Alexander Ovechkin.

The number one rule in sports fanship is that if you have a jersey to wear, you wear the appropriate jersey to support your squad. It's a rule I've only broken a handful of times. And in honesty, I can't even remember the last time I pulled it off before last night. I got some weird looks like my Caps jersey on, but in reality, they should have been loving the game winning attitude I brought to the Cable Box.

Faced with yet another Terps 'Canes game I had to make a change. Ovie put in 2 in the 3rd Period to top Detroit, kind of a big deal, so I decided "Hey, why not openly support a winner at the Comcast Center?"

Sure enough, it made the difference. Say what you want, but I've been wearing my standard 23 Mike Jones jersey for years at Maryland games, and lets be honest, it hasn't gotten anybody very far.

Ok, now some actual analysis.

I hate that Gary has been in the news somehow midseason for how awful he is at recruiting. Hey we get it, we don't get good players despite being in the heart of basketball talent country (Sports Illustrated did just point out that PG is, per capita, the most NBA Talent rich area of the country.). That being said, I really feel like we're putting a team together here.

I hate to be the standard DC, "this year isn't our year, but next year we're gonna be great" guy, but look at the facts. Milbourne is just straight up trashing the place. Junior. Bowie is out hustling everybody, and somehow is establishing himself as an actual point guard. Sophomore. Mosley is nasty. Fact. Freshman. And I'll be honest, I'm a huge Dino Gregory fan. Sophomore.

Vasquez would be an asshole to leave because he can't shoot. Hayes is finally finding his role as the shooter. Things are coming together. Yea we're 3-4 in conference. Yea I don't think we have much chance of cracking the important 9-7 barrier.

Here, however, is the optimism. As Herm Edwards once said, you play to win the game. I don't think we've got a shot at knocking off Duke UNC or Wake, but history has shown that thats our personality. Giant Killer when we aren't the giants ourselves. We're more likely to get some Ws on Tobacco Road and drop one or two to some awful team.

The point is my expectation level is low. And that means that as long as we aren't hosting an NIT game, we're bound to do something crazy.

I've also been informed that Vasquez was one assist shy of a triple double. Thats prettay prettay good.

I don't think we're very good, we can't rebound, and we still can't shoot very well. Regardless, mark my words, my Terrapins will make noise this month, and when they do, you can give all the credit to a Russian dude wearing #8.

Also, Torres just netted 2 against Chelsea... I'm gonna go drink beers. Hoooray!

Poop On Duke

I originally was planning on starting this post by pointing out that me talking about how much I hate Duke and how Maryland gets no respect would be completely cliche, but something happened and I changed my mind.

I was getting ready to watch The Office on dvr, but gave my roommate a chance to go upstairs since he isn't watching it tonite. While I waited, I had on the St. Mary's v. San Diego game. As they hyped up the ESPN Saturday Lineup, the following conversation occured.

Some Dude: So at Noon we've got Maryland @ Duke. What do you think?
Some Douchebag: (muffled laughter) Maryland has no chance. That Duke defense is stifling!

Oh I'm sorry. They have a stifling defense, some quality shooters and just all around flawless play? Obviously you're inferring that Maryland has a less than stellar team this year?

When since we won the National Title has this not been the storyline?

Curious. In the last 7 years that ESPN.com has available, who do you think has more wins against Duke in the regular season or ACC Tournament Play, Maryland or Duke's obvious rival, UNC?



Obviously, since I'm an enormous Maryland fan, the answer is Maryland. Maryland is 8-7 in the last 7 years against Duke (UNC has 6-9). Pretty good winning percentage considering we have been just awful since 2001-2002.

Ha. Interestingly enough, I've just found out that the "some douchebag" is former Maryland player, Adrian Branch. Clearly, he was reverse jinxing Duke... and I am an asshole.

This reminds me of a fun game my college friends used to play. It was called "let's pretend we have a strong respect for coach K, or we saw J.J. Redick at the WaWa and everybody was trying to buy him a sub... just so we can see how pissed off John is going to get." Got me everytime.

Anyways. Do I think Maryland is going to win? Absolutely not. I don't see us matching up very well with them anywhere. We aren't shooting well, and Dave Neal is our primary 3-point shooting threat.

The only upside I can see is that Bowie and Milbourne are gamers right now. Vasquez may or may not show up, but you've gotta feel like he's gonna make noise somehow. So who knows. Come 4 PM I'm either going to be on top of the world, or completely miserable. I will be at my Nephew's 1st Bday however, so I won't be able to fully express my emotions until the ride home.

*SPOILER ALERT!!!*

My honest guess is something like Duke 89 - Maryland 60; Neal and Vasquez combine for 1-15 from 3-pt range; Bowie still manages 15-8-5; Gary has an anuerysm and starts bleeding from his left nostril like Charlotte in this weeks episode of Lost.

Go Terps!

Through The Eyes of Kimmy and Jenny

With the Caps going head to head with the Pens earlier this week, much was made about the state of the relationship of Alex Ovechkin and Evgeni Malkin, two Russians who were once the best of friends and now hold a hatred for each other reminiscent of Sioux descending on Colonel Custer at Little Bighorn.

So much has been discussed about their rocky relationship that it's beginning to resemble the battle between two rival 16-year-olds battling to become Prom Queen... and not just because of their inevitable future plastic surgery.

So for those who aren't aware of the situation, who I'm assuming are women (statistics show that 87% of people that don't read hockey news are female), I'll explain through the eyes of two fictional high schoolers, Kimmy and Jenny.

Kimmy: O.M.G., Jenny. Can you believe what Alex did to Evgeni?

Jenny: WTF?? Kimmy, Alex and Evgeni are B.F.F! They were roommates at the 2006 Winter Olympics in Turin. They hang out like all the time.

Kimmy: Not even! I just read about it in US Weekly during History.

Jenny: Oh my god. Isn't John Scott in that class? He is sooo funny. I love him!

Kimmy: Jenny. Focus. So they were B.F.F. but then this one night they were out at a bar with all their friends, and they haven't talked to each other since!

Jenny: What happened?

Kimmy: Nobody really knows, but what I heard was that a fight broke out and one of Evgeni's best friends got his jaw broken and had to get it wired shut... for... a... month!!

Jenny: OH MY GOD! Did Alex hit him?

Kimmy: I dunno. All I know is they haven't talked since.

Jenny: But listen to this. I heard that Alex was totally like "I hope we start talking by the Winter Olympics next year" or something. Like "I'm really looking forward to playing with him" or whatever.

Kimmy: That's totally like in Anchorman...

(Do 16 year old girls like Anchorman? I'm not sure, but let's just pretend)

Jenny: What part???

Kimmy: You know at the end when Vince Vaughn is like, "I hate you Ron Burgundy, but god dammit I respect you."

Jenny: Haha, I love that movie. It's so us!

I hope that was informative.

Skippin' the Lines for The Outer Limits

In life, you gotta take the good with the bad.

Example: If you want to enjoy the inexplicable deliciousness of Chipotle, you do so with the knowledge that your next BM will not be pleasant. There's no way around it.

For me, although I'm bummed to be jobless, the huge upside is that I haven't missed an episode of Conan in 2 weeks.

For a while, watching Conan was like making a trip to Kings Dominion. I kept telling myself it was gonna happen, "Hey... you know what we should do? We should get a bunch of people together, and watch Conan tonight! It'll be awesome!" But much like that elusive trip down 95, it never really panned out.

Now, I don't have an excuse. It's like I moved to Richmond, bought a season pass, and I'm cruising through on a Tuesday afternoon with no lines.

It's been glorious. I've laughed, I've cried, I've laughed some more. One thing, though, is really getting me, and to be honest, it's been getting me for awhile.

Why is it that when they bring out the second guest, the first guest keeps hanging out on the love seat next to the main chair? I don't get it. We've been doing late night talk shows for over 50 years, and somehow we're still going back to this awkward practice. For anybody that's ever gone to a party with a lot of unfamiliar people, you know the awkwardness when you're stuck standing next to two people in a conversation.

"Do I add something here... or do I just do the nod and smile?"

"Do I tell that joke about the priest, the rabbi, and Lance Armstrong's prosthetic nutt? Is that appropriate? It's probably not... it is funny though..."

Not to suggest that forcing conversation between two people that in many cases don't know each other very well isn't awkward, it is. But how does it get less awkward by throwing in another person who doesn't know anybody, and isn't sure the correct "talk show love seat etiquette." It doesn't make sense.

So, Conan, let's make a change. You're making the jump up to the prime time slot. Shock the world. Let's have a celebratory version of "In The Year 2000," let's do some Walker Texas Ranger, and let's let the first guest come out and let's let them go home.

Thanks.

Sorry Kids... Beer Makes Me Excited.

"Hey Briere! You're a douchebag!!!"

Out of context, this doesn't seem like much of an out of the ordinary quote, particularly since Mr. Briere looks prettay... prettay soft. When I tell you that person being quoted is me after a 3 hour beer tasting, which was lovely, it becomes standard operating procedure.

Here's the problem. This occurred while I was at Citizen's Bank Field for a Phillies game the day after Game 1 of the Caps Flyers playoff series, and the person I was directing my verbal onslaught toward was a 10-year-old child with Flyers rub-on tattoos on his cheeks and a child's Danny Briere jersey on. Amazingly, I was not made to pay for my comment (unless you count the food vendor running out of pizza and hot dogs later in the game. "Ahh fuck it. Just give me a beer.").

Out of nowhere, the Flyers have found themselves up there with Duke as the only team who's small child fans are fair game for Grande Juan's drunken antics.

I know, I'm as surprised as you are.

Historically, Caps fans consider the Penguins as their primary rival. With Crosby and Malkin, maybe the NHLs best duo, you'd think there would still be something there. Although maybe there is, it clearly has been replaced by a strong hatred for the "Broad Street Bullies" (I prefer the "Voorhees Vagenes"). To be honest, I'm glad. Caps hatred of the Pens was based on an absolutely awful playoff record (1-7) in the 80's and 90's. I'd like to keep that in the past. Thanks.

Granted, a 0-1 record in the playoffs against the Flyers isn't a great start, but with some of the quotes finding their way to the bulletin board leading up to tonight's game, it's clear we're in for some heated battles for the foreseeable future.

In reality, although it is heated, who knows if the animosity has any staying power. Without being in the same division, it's tough to really build the hype.

But let me tell you about another team who gets a lot of the "they're not our rival" trash. Obviously I'm referring to Maryland Basketball. Without a true mutually acknowledged basketball rivalry, my Terps turn the inferiority complex of not being on Tobacco Road into being giant killers.

The Caps, being in the division of have nots, are in a similar situation. Except, the Caps get to keep their talent more than 4 years. With the Terps best talent, we were treated to a Final Four and a National Title in back to back years. Gotta feel like if the Caps can harness some of that "nobody respects us, everybody loves the Atlantic Division" attitude with a team that just posted a franchise best midseason record they could go far.

So...

Dear Flyers Fans,

Do us all a favor, and keep your children in neutral colors. I think we'd all prefer to avoid the consequences.

Thanks.

Grande

PS. How do you like this sideboob?

Douchebags.

Perdón, señor. ¿Dónde está el Valtrex?

It's Fall of 2005. You're setting up a Madden 2006 franchise. You're doing the draft, thinking about how you're gonna take Madieu Williams in the 25th round and simulate the rest of the way. Lots of tough decisions. Except one. Unless you eat smoked meat logs for breakfast, you're taking Michael Vick at QB and never looking back on your way to several 15-1 seasons (obviously accepting the fact that you're gonna run into one of "those games").

We just kicked off the new year, it's 2009. To be honest, I have no idea what his situation is, but I'm guessing PETA has finally called off the dogs, pun very much intended, and El Señor Vick will be back on the streets shortly. Did I hear rumblings of a halfway house? I don't know. Anyways, since I live in the city of past their prime big names, it's safe to assume that, if he becomes available, burgundy and gold will at least be on the fringe of the conversation.

I'm also guessing that given that SkinsNation does have a healthy population of Hokies that there will be a fair amount of folks pushing to bring him to Landover. Coincidentally, one such cHokie asked me recently, "do you want Vick?"

"To do what? Give me advice on my rash that won't go away?" I replied.

Apparently, he wanted my honest opinion of how I would feel should my beloved Redskins opt to sign Mr. Ron Mexico. So, here it is.

I've seen Vick play live. 2006, 24-14 Falcons W in FedEx while the Skins were scraping for anything to get to the playoffs. In terms of excitement and unpredictability, Vick was one of the most amazing athletes I've seen in person. I've seen some good ones, Ovie obviously, LeBron, LaDainian, ARod, Mike Grinnon. All players who could come out of nowhere and rise above everybody else. Vick, clearly, was one of those players.

That being said, I think it would be the worst decision this franchise could make since dropping Marty Schottenheimer for the Ol' Ball Coach.

Dude hasn't played football in 2 years. You can't tell me that he's staying in shape in prison. I'm sure he's gettin in some good reps throwing some weights around, but really? I think it's insulting to every professional football player that people could suggest that he can sit out for two years and come back ready to play from jump street.

But, for the sake of argument, let's just say that he is able to be in epic shape at 29 after 2 years in prison. How are you going to tell me that he's going to be ready for the speed of the game? Jamal Lewis spent what, 4 months in prison? He went from potential 300 yard games to mediocre at best. Maybe there were other factors involved, but he was a running back touching the ball 20-30 times a game. Vick is a quarterback! Not only does he touch the ball on every play, but he has to make the presnap reads and whatever else those guys do out there.

We're not talking about a guy who has traditionally taken care of the ball all that well historically either. In 74 career games, he's turned the ball over 71 times. I definitely feel like if he's been spending 2 years away from the game that this number could only go up. But let's be honest, he's spent a fair amount of time doing his best to hold onto the soap in the shower. Holding a football should be easier right?

To be fair, whoever goes for him isn't going to have to give up much, but I don't think it's even worth what little price the Falcons will ask. Particularly for the Redskins. I understand the value of putting some pressure on your underperforming QB, but at least do it with someone who has some credible threat to take over the position. Not somebody who is just going to make more noise by bringing more media attention and less actual production to your team.

Does Vick play defensive end? How about left tackle? Maybe he can kick field goals. We could use it.

For now, I'd rather remember him as one of the most impressive athletes I've seen in person, and one of the biggest generators of herpes and dog abuse jokes this world may ever know. I have no interest of putting him in with all the other big names that have fallen well short of making an impact in Washington.